he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize