I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
