I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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