They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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