Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
