is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
