i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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