Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
