I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
