Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
