I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
