did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
