I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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