So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
