U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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