Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
