just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
