youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
