Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
