Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
