You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
