I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
