eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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