wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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