three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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