If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
