That's when you crack a 10am beer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
