Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
