I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
