About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In other news, I just burned my penis
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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