if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
