I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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