the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
