Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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