what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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