I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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