Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
