i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
