i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
