Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
