I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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