so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
