it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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