i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
