I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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