She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
