it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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