I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
