highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
