just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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