In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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