Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
