I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
