i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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