She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize