yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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