is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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