I'm really into asian looking animals
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize