it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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