It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
