Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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