got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
