There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she smelled like a LAN party
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
