Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
