I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
