I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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