Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
