I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just pee around me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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