Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
